Sunday, August 19, 2007

I'm getting discouraged again. I didn't get the job at small business, so now I'm back to square one. I'm getting tired of searching and not finding anything that appeals to me. should I just get a sales job? I don't think so...what's the point of having a job that would make me hate my life??? I'd rather be poor. I keep asking myself about the S word: SCHOOL. I might need to go back to have something to do. I just wish this college experience would pay off. the truth is, I don't see myself going very far in communications. I haven't seen anything that really appealed to me, except maybe the admissions job at colleges/universities. can you imagine me working at wash-U? that would be perfect. if I work there forever, then my kids can go there for free. I wasn't always a big fan of being at school, but I was always comfortable there. I know I can do an admissions job. I know I'd be good at it. I JUST NEED A CALL BACK. if someone would finally just give me a chance to show my stuff, maybe then I could rock someone's world. I'm talented and hard-working; so why do I feel so inadequate? god, this is infuriating.

I might as well start looking at nursing schools. at least I know the dire need for people in that field, and as I've said before, if steven and I stay together and he sticks with law enforcement, then I can be marketable virtually anywhere in the US. plus insurance is fucking fantastic through most hospitals. but do I want to go into further debt??? I almost can't stand the idea. no, wait - I absolutely fuckin HATE the idea of going into more school debt. WHY IS SCHOOL SO HARD AND EXPENSIVE???!!! and why the FUCK do I spend so much money and HAVE NO FUCKING JOB. FUCK I HATE THIS

siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh it'll get better, right? I'll stop questioning myself and the rest of hte world soon, right? and I'll find a place I love where I'll make lots of money and friends and contacts and where I love getting up in the mornings.........RIGHT??!!!!!!!!

ok, God, I don't talk to you very often, but I really really need you now. give me some idea of where I need to be in my life. show me a direction, and help me to either be patient or open. what is that I want to be? what is it that I want to do?? please help. I don't know how long I'll be able to do this lame waiting and working thing...........

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