I'm having a really hard time focusing today at work. we have our tri party this evening, and I'm looking forward to it, but I'm in a lull lately at work so I have nothing to do between now and then. we're supposed to be working on recruiting dates for the fall, but I haven't been able to do very well in this arena for two reasons:
1. I hate traveling and recruiting so I have little motivation to work diligently on that schedule.
2. I hope to not be here in the fall so I have even less motivation to do the work.
I do try sometimes to find more opportunities to travel, but I'm serious when I say that I cannot force myself to work. it's like my entire psyche rebels against doing the work. I thought I was a fairly ambitious person, but my body insists otherwise. I'm trying to be less lazy so that I lose weight, get more things done in my life, and get over these 'funks' a little more easily. buuuuuuuuuuut then I get home after a long day at work, I take off my shoes and work attire, and all I want to do is lay down and decompress.
butthead hasn't called or texted me since the late afternoon yesterday. I'm letting it go...letting it go...I really don't want to attract negative energy becaue I can't really afford it. instead I sit at my desk at work and blog.
I have at least two - if not three - book ideas on the table right now and I can't wait to get started on them. I'm working on one with brittany and another with kristin, then of course I'll be motivated to write my novel. oh that novel. I wish I could figure out what I'm even going to write. I should continuously write down brainstorms and plots. there is no reason not to start, even without a real direction or idea. I've had plenty of ideas and I always think of really great portions and parts of a book, like how to start and end chapters. I haven't quite been able to figure out how to begin the entire book, but I've got the ends of chapters down pat. now if I could only manage to figure out the shit that's in-between....
I should probably get back to...whatever it is I can do to make myself look busy. when do I start this whole nursing thing?? is my life in a constant state of transition??? fuck! as soon as I relax and start to get used to something, I actually end up hating it and starting something else!! well my life will never be boring. blech.
ok, before I forget, this is a totally unrelated topic. BUT I can't tell sylvia this and I have to bitch about it. because that's what I do. anyway, I keep fucking digressing. my aunt v is wonderful, one of my favorite people in the whole wide world, but her 2 children are monsters. they suck her dry. she came in the other day to my g-ma's when my mom, gma and I were all working on the shower invitations and was pissed about having to rent a tux for jason for the wedding. she was asking because she was pissed about paying for kimmi's dress, shoes, her plane ticket, and now jason's tux. she wants him to just wear one of his suits (like a black suit). needless to say, it's not gonna work. sly wants no black in her wedding. all the men are wearing brown tuxes for god's sake! not to be picky, but black just wouldn't work at all.
I SO want to talk to sly about it. I want to suggest that she switch the birdesmen for the usheresses, then eliminate the need for jason to be an usher. it's too much to ask. the tux isn't that expensive, and kimmi's dress was SUPER cheap ; $40!! her shoes were only $25! I just don't have any sympathy. I have paid too much money already for weddings to have sympathy. if she has a problem with it all, then she should make her damn spoiled kids pay for that shit themselves OR tell sly it ain't gonna happen. that's all I have to say.
I'm so annoyed. I still really want to talk about it to sly..............grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr