to keep from falling asleep at my desk (tres usual), I was drawing a pic of a tree that would be cool to have as a tattoo. I've always wanted a tattoo, but I can never decide what to get. I don't want more than one or two so there's a lot of pressure to make sure it's "the one." I don't want some tribal bullshit, and I don't want someone's initials or something silly and not permanent. sooooo I was thinking about getting a piece of art - a picasso sketch, or maybe a kandinsky painting, or van gogh. it will be expensive, and I'm not sure where I'd get it yet, but I think that would be the neatest thing. how permanent is that?? a classic piece of art...I think it would be beautiful. maybe the middle of my back? or my rib cage? maybe even my shoulder blade? I don't know, but as long as I get someone good to do it, it'll look amazing.

I cannot stay awake. I guess it wasn't the best idea to have that last glass of wine before I went to bed. I couldn't wake up this morning, either. I have been so tired lately. I just want to sleep at any opportunity throughout the day. I went for a run yesterday that was really great - almost an hour long. I haven't run like that since soccer. my legs were pissed at me, but my lungs felt great. kelly asked me how I can run like that. I don't really know; it's not like I'm in any kind of shape. I was in a bad mood though and I can run for days when I'm upset.

I am so tired of my yo-yo relationship. I feel like I'm single and sometimes this really great guy comes over, we have sex and enjoy each other, and then I'm single again. oh, wait, that's my relationship with steven. at this point, I'm ready to either move on or move forward - together. I hate that it comes down to an either-or situation, but what else am I supposed to do? I can't keep waiting for something better to happen between us. I'm waiting now for a reason to stay together. maybe he just needs time before he's ready to be a normal, functioning, mature adult boyfriend. take, for example, my dad being in the hospital. steven didn't know what to do, he didn't know how to comfort me, and instead of giving support, we got into a fight.

I just feel like I should cut my losses now and move on.