I am so fuckin tired. I just want to go home. it was a pretty good day, but I haven't been getting much sleep lately and I need it. I get to go to the cards game wed night with my man and a couple of friends. I went to the brewery today which was wildly entertaining and an overall good experience. my apartment is really coming together and I'm finally relaxing about it. so today was a good day...it just needs to end.

I've been thinking a lot about my career options lately. I am so frustrated with where I am in my life, and I don't know what I want to do. I'm not particularly excited about anything anymore. I don'r put my heart into much because I feel torn in so many ways. well, I'm also constantly tired which numbs my brain to the point of almost total detachment. I've really been considering this nursing idea; I used to be open to becoming a lawyer, but I can't fathom going into too much more debt. I've already racked up about 70g in undergrad debt for a practically useless degree and I don't want to add to it.

omg I keep farting (silently) and it stinks BAD, so I'm sure anyone who happens to walk up near me will think there is a sewage problem or that I just naturally stink.

anyway, back to career choices...nurses make so much money and there is a serious demand for them. can I do it? can I enter into an accelerated program and finally feel like there is some direction in my life? maybe. maybe I just need to get a job first in the field in which I studied for so vigorously. I just thought that working hard in college in more ways than academically would pay off, but I haven't seen the fruits of my labors yet and I'm sure as shit getting restless.

however, a few good developments: kristin's new guy she's been seeing is the son of the man who started one of the nation's leading PR firms. that's a great 'in' if pat is up for it. also, my boss here emailed me info on an opening at a nearby jr college for a sports information director, which is right up my alley. it's only part-time, and I probably wouldn't get paid much, but I'm willing to give it a shot. I know it would be a great position to add to my resume. experience is key! (right? right???)

ugh I think it will get better soon. I really want to make a concentrated effort to eat better and (finally) exercise (too bad I'm craving chocolate chip cookies and brownies...I'm on my period). my other goal (one which I decided yesterday) is to avoid saying so many negative things. I need to focus on the positives in my life and stop being a downer. there is no reason for it, and I have every reason to be thankful for all the things I do have. I am so fortunate and lucky. I need to start acting accordingly! I want to be the person people want to be around! I want to be magnetic and happy and free of this burden of negativity! I should start a gratitude journal.